Truths of Being a Safe Space For Others
“Shame dies when stories are told in safe spaces.”
Let me paint a picture for you. You’re running late for meeting some friends for lunch. By the time you got there, your friends catch you up on a sitatuion that a mutual friend is going through. They share their opinions about it, and you just listen. In reality, it’s actually something that you are also going through, and instead of feeling like you are in a safe space to talk about it, you feel more ashamed about what is truly going on.
Has this ever happened to you?
Shame develops from one’s own negative evaluation of self, and having a safe spaces allow others to feel comfortable fully expressing their true selves.
“THOSE WHO MAKE CONVERSATIONS IMPOSSIBLE, MAKE ESCALATION INEVITABLE.”
In other words, not allowing others to come as they are only makes matters worse.
Let me explain.
Shame leads to depression. ⬇️
Depression affects your energy and decision making leading to the feeling of hopelessness. ⬇️
Hopelessness is closely correlated with suicide.
Research shows both mental and physical health deteriorate quickly when we don't have hope.
But what if from the beginning, we provided a safe space for others.
Here’s 4 ways you can be create a safe space for those around you:
1. STAY AWAY FROM GOSSIP
When you speak badly about other people, people will begin to wonder what you are saying about them behind their back. When you are around people who are gossiping, eliminate yourself from the situation or speak up for the person if you can. Standing up for people will also make a stand that you do not associate yourself with gossip.
2.FOCUS ON LISTENING
A lot of the time, when we talk to someone, our main focus is on what we’re going to say next. Doing this while trying to hold space for someone may not be very effective. To avoid this, listen carefully with the intent of undesrtanding what they’re saying, instead of worrying on your response. Practice active listening - when they’re done, repeat back what they’ve said so you both can ensure you understood.
3. DON’T STEAL THEIR HARDSHIP, ASK QUESTIONS INSTEAD
We know It’s often easier to understand something when we can relate it back to ourselves. Try to resist the urge to insert yourself in the situation. There is a time and a place to talk about your experiences, but holding space isn’t it. Keep your own issues and experiences separate from this interaction so you can focus on being there for the other person.
4. REMIND THEM YOU BELIEVE IN THEM
It can be so hard to be vulnerable with someone. While holding space for someone, it can be helpful to explicitly express that you believe them, and you believe in them. Remind them that you trust and believe their knowledge and intuition.
In the end, we are all different— with different backgrounds or struggles. Giving someone a safe space to feel secure and safe in is one of the best things to give out to the world. Be the person that people feel safe to be their trueselves around.
